Saturday, June 1, 2013

Malam minggu ini diisi dengan... kegabutan. I'm definitely gonna regret this as soon as I finished this post. But man, what do people say about guilty pleasure, huh? It is a pleasure after all. So... meh.

H-18 SBMPTN 2013. And once again, I have this oh-my-god-the test's-only-an-inch-away syndrome. Which causes pegal-pegal pengen cepetan melalui ini semua. Galau gue sebenarnya tiap hari. Gue masih kurang yakin dengan diri gue sendiri. Tapi waktu itu ada yang bilang, "Gimana Allah mau bantu kalo lo sendiri aja ga percaya?". Tapi sob.... huft. Jadi, misi utama gue adalah build a confidence and have faith.

Cut it to the chase. Actually the reason why I suddenly have the urge to write a post is because I've just read my friend's blog. And what passed through my mind was, "Damn she's good." So, that's why I'm so putting Ilmu Hukum on my choice list for sbmptn instead of Ilmu Komunikasi. No, I'm kidding. But, yeah. I really did think that. So in other words, I'm still typing because of the euphoria from reading that blog. Well, euphoria sounds too much, eh. So, what? ah! Sensation. I can still feel this tickling sensation on my fingertips.


I was going through my list of posts, and I just remembered that I have 3 posts remain drafts. And after I reread it, I still don't wanna publish it. Cause man, pfftt. It's so last year. *spik*. But yeah, actually, I've overcame it. Eventually, I guess. Well maybe, because most of my mind were pirated by all kind of tests lately that I end up forgetting it. Thank God.


I'm jealous. Envy, actually. For people who have dreams. Cause I pathetically don't have one. Not even now. And pathetically-er I just realized this recently when my friend was talking about her turmoil about making a chance to rationalized her dreams or not, and about her thoughts about us being a dead fish if we just go with the flow without even have a slight urge to make our own flow. And I, felt extremely.. stupid. I told her that, for me it's just how lives are. We are bound to every obstacles, to conquered them, in order to go to the next level, so that we can move on with our life, just like a game. And that's what my friend exactly said, a dead fish. What a retard. I am indeed.
But then, what makes me a retard is not because I'm a dead fish. It's because I'm not even alive. I don't have dream for god's sake. I practically don't live if I don't have something to keep me going do I? I am not some kinda animal which live their life just to eat, sleep, and breed am I? Am I not?
And being an usual-strereotype-me, I tried to deny it. I thought about some alibis, but nothing makes sense. I am as hopeless as a newly hatched baby turtle (mash sempet-sempetnya sok imut). But the only thing that can make me feel like "Man, I knew it! This is (I think) my passion!" is writing. I like to write (or rather, type. No, seriously I hate writing when making a story, I def type.). I like to pour some scene and cliche into it. And I like to imagine my life is part of it. Or even, the centre of it. Hahaha. ewh.
So, YEAY!!??? I think I finally got the goddamn solution! I am indeed enjoying writing. And I really enjoying reading! Of course! Man I suddenly feel overjoyed. NYAKAKKA might burn the house if I get to excited like this. Gonna keep calm.

Oh, just so you know. My other passion or actually, a dream (might be) is singing. Which is just definitely gonna remain a dream. Cause you know, dream and reality is aloof by a very thin line-you might not even see. But for me, I can see the line very clearly like it's made of steel. It feels so cold and so heavy. Dragging us even further to our deepest dream. We gotta watch it, or we might fall too deep that we can't find our way back.
The walls are too high for us to climb back. And the air is so thin that suffocates us to our eternal sleep. And what the hell am I writing about. Shit hahahaa. Man I screwed up. Always, inspiration never knock and never stays too long. It just don't wanna. When you lose its grip. Poof. You'll lost it. You lost the sensation, the feeling, the words. They just sunk into absence. And there I'm at it again. Shit I sound like an idiot :(

Forget the last paragraph.

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